Where art thou, 2-year-ago self? *sobs

#1 Note to self:

Love others even if they're unlovable because God loved you without questioning you being worthy of it.

the day we had our first Kimchi

It was okay.

.
.
.

Well, not really. 

Let's start first with how we ended up in somewhat a Korean fastfood. 

It was Friday. Nikko and Aaron were waiting in the dorm for our other high school friends who will be going home with us (we always do that every Friday)  and then it turned out no one was coming which leaves only the three of us to go home. And then my mom called asking if I will be coming with her since she's in the city, too but I said no and asked for food instead. 

We met inside that fast food where she was already eating along with my aunt and her husband. At first, she just gave me money so we could buy our own food but then she changed her mind and let us sit with them. 

The food looks odd but I gave it a shot and so we ordered the same food. It was a rice burger. And it tastes... okay. 

Again, not really.

and that was when we (or I) decided to order Kimchi because it looks soooooo good on TV. I remembered Jan Di and Jun Pyo eating it together and it was really enticing. 

Three of us decided to take a spoonful at the same time to be fair haha. At firstm, I only tasted the lettuce which I love but then the weird spicy flavor started to dominate in my mouth asdsdsfgfjhgjh

really gross, *no offense meant to people who loves them tho 

We all do stupid mistakes at any time of our lives and I guess this is one of them. But this one happened for a purpose- an experiece where we learned that we could never live in Korea. Lol

But then again, taste is subjective so I suggest you go try it yourself.


So that was it, the day we had our first Kimchi ...

and probably our last. ;p

stupid,

PAW Sem-ender

"GOD'S NOT DEAD. HES SURELY ALIVE

HE IS LIVING ON THE INSIDE 

ROARING LIKE A LION"

Woohooo!!!Another sem of praising and worship has ended and I should say this one has been the most memorable... so far.

But first, let me introduce to you my PAW family.

PAW means Prayer Adoration and Worship.  And the place we're attending is called PAW University. This is a Christian fellowship that I joined almost 2 years ago every Wednesday night. 

It was funny to think now how my friend, Fayie, invited us ( me and my other two friends) to this fellowship back then and she used the term "youth jam." Clueless as we are, we thought it was just  somewhat like a concert of Hillsongs and we thought like "Let's just attend and leave if we do not like it." 

So we went there, unprepared at all, wearing jogging pants and shirts and smelling like barbecue because that's what we had for dinner and when we arrived there..

"WELCOME TO PAW UNIVERSITY!!!! *drumrolls!!!*"

OH MY GOD 

WHOA

WHAT IS THIS?

I admit I was very surprised to what welcomed me in the place. I never had an experience with youth camps and fellowships before so this was really new to me. It was a good surprise though and Im thankful that from that day on, I had a new family- a family that Jesus Himself made for me.

photos from PAW Official

_____

Last October 21, 2015, we had our last PAW NYT for this sem and it was a real blaaaaaaast!

It was, like every other night, a wonderful experience to praise and worship our one true and living God. We had dinner instead of snacks and we had an extended bond after.

Usually PAW Nyt ends at 10-11 pm but that time it ended at 12 and right after, we went to Stellar for a movie. There were almost thirty of us and the rest went home for some personal reasons. The movie lasted for almost two hours and right after that, we stayed at the front stairs of VCMC. We just stayed there and played mind-trick games and charades. 

We stayed there until 6 am. LOL. 

We had morning snacks at a nearby bakeshop and stayed a little while again.

I arrived at the dorm with my friend/dormmate and a PAWNyter too at around 7:30 am. NO SLEEP AT ALL. LOL

Recalling it all now made me realize how amazing God's ways are. Who would ever thought these people from different and far places would cross ways with me and even become my friends? 

Like I always say,  IKAW NA JUD LORD.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

    neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the Lord.

9 

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are my ways higher than your ways

    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Thank You for my PAW Family. Thank You for being who and what You are, Lord.

Forever grateful,

Doodskie the dude

It's been a long time that I havent written anything. It makes me sad that I have nothing to pour out when I just want to share something, anything. It sounds crazy but whenever I attempt to start moving my pen, I end up blank-minded. 

PLEASE HELP ME.

behind the scene scenes :>

This is a late post but I just wanna share how crazy the filming went. I've experienced all the moods in one setting- from alive to drained to stressed to pissed to slightly happy to confused but at the end of the day, we share the same goal of finishing the film no matter what. No matter what the weather is and no matter how far we need to walk for our location. Thinking about it now makes me overwhelmed about how we finished it after all the non-meeting schedules and of course, school. Although we did not bring home the major awards, we already had the prize that bonds us together - friendship. 

Here's to more films to make and more friendships to build. 😁

have a kitkat bruh

It's when you have someone to walk around the neighborhood and have random life talks that you realize you got a friendship that's for keeps. 

Tonight, my friend slash neighbor visited. We watched few episodes of How I Met Your Mother and then decided to take a walk around the nearby village. It was funny realizing that we've been friends since we were grade schoolers and now that were on college, not even a hint of maturity can be observed. Lol Time is really  flying so fast we could hardly cope up. We remembered having childish fights with some neighbors and how we prepare our squad into any confrontations. Hahaha 

Also, we reminisce the holidays weve been together since we were clueless carolers. Christmas always gives me a good memory and that is why I could never forget how we celebrate Christmas each year. It has been a tradition for us to stay up past 12 am and then talk til we get sleepy. It has been me, him and another friend of ours. Sadly this year, Rhea, that other friend of ours, is on a mission (part of her religion) and the celebration wouldn' be the same. Few of our close friends have gone to different places too because duh life demands it. It may sound dramatic but it pains me thinking about the future where people who has been a very close company suddenly needs to leave. I mean, thinking about the years of growing up together and the marks they leave in your life, it is kinda hard to face the reality that nothing stays as it is. Even the people you thought would be there for the rest of your life also has a path to take and that may possibly be different from the path you are taking. Life is freaking unpredictable. 

This long talk lasted for like hours but I felt my body coming back to senses. I was thankful that it made me realize how precious it is to spend time with the people you cherish. We are all busy with all the different demands of life but it wouldnt hurt to spend some quality time. After all, what matters in the end is not the wealth, job, power, fame but  the people who shape up and color your life. 

Take a break sometimes. 

the blue moon mainstream

photo from google

My sole intention of going home as fast as possible changed swiftly with a glance of your sleeping face. All I wanted was to be in a comfortable, fast trip and to finally have my breakfast which would become "'brunch" as soon as I arrive. You got your world in your music plus you have the best view in the window and I was stuck in the middle of you and another stranger. I put on my earphones (music-less) and attempted to created my own world too. But I couldn't stand the silence and the awkward brushing of skins and so I thought of reading. Unluckily, I didnt bring any, (gosh, how could I?) but then luckily, too, I got ebooks (hooray) and then I read few chapters until the world started moving. 

I took a glance of your face in the mirror and boom, youre sleeping. Hahahaha I studied your face, (in the mirror) which is a risk of an awkward scene if you had suddenly open your eyes but luckily you didnt. You got good brows I think, I dont really know what proper adjectives to use in describing people physically. Youre clean for a guy and that's for a second I thought maybe youre gay? But then I noticed a swaggyyy dudeey cap on top of your bag so I assumed youre not. 

You know what's the highlight?  Your scent. Haha

The moment I first step there, you're unfamiliar yet ohhh fragrance welcomed me. What a welcome! hahaha 

And the best part is, you left some on my arm. Lol

At home, I checked if my body wash/perfume lasted but I smelled a now familiar scent on my left arm. 

I guess it was from your uniform. 

Anyways, it was great trip and I went home and had my meal. I know this thing could happen everyday or maybe you attract bunch of other humans with your wonderful odor but I just want to say that tho its a mainstream thing, it happened on a blue moon day which I find interestingly special.

til I see you again, not friend.. yet. :)

ps: sorry for moving too much, I almost peed earlier ugh

Confused hopes

I dont know why I was looking forward to see the sun when I know its not shining for me anymore.
the same thrilled butterflies rejoiced in that thought. I was ready to see it, I was ready to smile a happy smile, not the awkward one. I wanted to see how is it. After long years of hiding in the dark realms of "looking happy" I am now certain I can face it. I am brave now. So, I waited in patience. I was holding a popcorn and some shake. I walked back and forth in place. It was dark and the road is crowded, there are just too many people but I know that Ill see it . I didnt need eyes that moment, my heart recognizes it. I waited and waited.

It came...


but I never saw it.

I dont know what would that mean. I said Im ready and I am brave now. How come I didnt see it?

Everything is confusing.

The night ended and the day has come. Im still stuck in the darkness. Courage left me and the butterflies were buried alive.


Im still here, you know.

Ill wait til I feel brave again. And when that happens, maybe this time,  I'll see it.

I will not be confused anymore.

and when I see it, I'll smile the happy smile...




while holding a popcorn and shake.

forever within two days

Ive always loved the thought of being somewhere new, like being in a completely strange place. The feeling of being able to create a new self having a new purpose that only came out in that very place is like the very souvenir I get and I wouldnt trade anything for it. It's still a mystery where all those excitement come from but I guess I just have to be grateful.

Lately, Ive been to an island.

 It's a beautiful island; white sands and all. But what made it extra special is that unidentified sentimental connection-like the feeling of being home. I felt safe which is a rare feeling for places that Ive only visited once. I fell in love with it instantly.

On the first day, I got toasted right at the moment AND I didnt care. No one could say no to the water. 

So there, I went wandering.  It  (the resort we were staying) has creepy cave-like spots but I find it even more interesting. I wasnt able to take  a look on the first day cause it was high tide but the next morning, I went early and visited it again. I was like going for a treasure hunting only that there were no actual treasure. Hahaha

The second day, we went cave hopping. I dont know what to expect, bats maybe? And then I found myself inside admiring the wonderful creation of the Mighty hands. It rocks! Like literally. he he he

I got to ride in horse, too. I was scared as hell but then Im lucky the horse ( Bobby) was a good dude.

Coming here gave me the realization of how much I want to travel. How I want to find out more. 

I want more.

And I am greatly thankful for discovering a new passion I will soon pursue.

These would be one of the best days of my life.

 My heart will always have the smile this place gave me. 

I will always remember that for two days, I was in happy place and I pretended it could last forever.

“Wherever you go becomes a part of you somehow.” 

til the next trip ...

the day I thought was my last *chills*

May 23, 2015

Everybody wants a splashing and tanning summer. Who wouldn't say yes to a one day free trip to a wonderful beach club? So, that's basically how this story would start.
 My good friend, Glenn *hi beybs!* is celebrating his 19th birthday at a beach club on the north which is a 3-4 hour drive. I was very much excited for the new adventure that I just prepared my things in the morning lol. Anyways, we had a great time there; the pool is nice, the view of the sea is wonderful and the atmosphere is full of elegance.We were the kids who escaped to paradise that day. So you see, I was having the best summer-ender. However, because of certain ideas coming from my awesome yet trouble-magnet brain, I stayed at one of my friend's house, Nicole's (it was an hour away from that beach club)  together with another friend, Tatine. I called my mom saying we were staying there. I didnt emphasized who the "we" are and where the "there" is. And she thought we all are staying there at the beach club. THAT WAS A MAJOR LIE. I felt guilty (a little). It's been awhile since I last did a major lie. So that was it, I lied. But I didnt realize how much trouble was waiting for me that time. 

May 24, 2015

We planned to catch a sight of the sunrise but well, you know what happened. Hahaha The sun is already awake at 5:30 am. HOW COULD IT BE SO EARLY? So we just spent another morning of laughing and talking about random things and random people *winks. 

Nicole brought us to this amazing cold spring near their area. The best part of it is that it's FREE!!!
It's so cool, there were mini waterfalls and the water is verrryy brrrrrr cold. A lot of people went that day because it was Sunday. It was Sunday and I was out there enjoying through a lie. ARGGHHHH

Anyways, just as I thought I had the best summer getaway, I checked on my phone just to see my mom's 13 missed calls and one heart-stopping message. DAMMMMMMMMNNNNN My life's over!!! She called another time to Tatine and I answered it.


ALL THE SHT WORDS ARE SAID AND I KNEW ILL BE DEAD IN A FEW HOURS.

And so, we went home. Worried. I found out she's been calling all my friend since I didnt answer my phone and that was how she knew. I was thinking of another major alibi aka another lie but then I knew it will make it worse. I knew then I got no choice but to face whatever my mom got there  since it was really my fault. Im already preparing myself, my ass most especially, for the ass-beating scene or for the phone-less, internet-less, travel-less days. All I got there is my guilty self and oh, there's  this man up there.

I prayed.

I didnt ask to be saved from whatever punishment is waiting but I was praying for strength to face it. I asked him to let myself be strong, strong enough to accept the fact that this wouldnt happen if I told the truth. I have thoughts of maybe if I didn't come, I should have been at home, worry-less, just chilling but it was too late.

I got home. Mom was not there yet. She was out at our neighbor's. She didnt arrive for the next five hours. It was five hours of agony not to mention that my sisters are not even helping.

She came. And the conversation went like:

Mom: What you did is not good.
Me: I know.

She went to their room, and played with the tab. That was it. THE  HOURS OF WORRYING AND STRESSING MY HEART OUT ENDED LIKE THAT. JUST.LIKE.THAT.

Im not complaining here, okay, Im just saying that wow You're the man, Lord. I knew it was because of you. It was because I chose not to lie again (unlike before) . I chose to face it. I trusted You for my strength. And I thank You. :>


It was absolutely a hell kind of a trip. As much as I hate parts of it, I love it as a whole. I love that even after all, it was still a happy vacation. The lie, which was the worst thing; ever, was actually the key for the good things.  If it wasnt for it, I would never have seen the great views and the cold spring. If it wasnt for it, I wouldnt realize (finally) that lying is dangerous. It could kill you by the worries and stress. Hahaha  And most of all, if I didnt lie, I have no story to tell right now.

"You'll never have anything to laugh about when you grow old if you obey all the rules" *winks

til the next trouble ...

blue could mean happy too

May 19, 2015

For the first time, Ive sailed alone!!! Actually, not totally alone but you know, no family, no mom, just me with a bunch of strangers. I enjoyed the whole 2 hours, I swear I didnt sleep, I admired the ocean every.single.second. 

When my mom told me, I had to go home alone, I was honestly scared but thrilled at the same time. I was thinking if ever the boat would go dive itself in the sea (thank God it didnt), will I survive swimming home or will I be stuck in an island with snakes and monkeys and eat coconut my whole life or will I be ... Anyways, Im here! At home, using Flipper, on my lovely my pjs, very alive.  So the entire trip was silent, of course, I know no one, but inside, my thoughts are rock n rollin. \m/ I was watching the ocean turning from sky blue, to clear green to blue and into the deepest blue. Im glad I was placed on the upper  side of the boat where the view is very open and the wind is refreshingly cool. The entire moment I was there, I forgot all my scares and I realized this one's not worth fearing at all. Although we cant avoid accidents but I think, if I died that moment, I would die admiring the great view. 

However, the best part and the highlight of my entire sailing adventure is *drumrolls* the DOLPHINS!!! Yes, the DOLPHINS!!! There were three of them and they were like having a group getaway Lol. I cant believe Ive seen them, finally. Happiness level went to 1000% That's the highest record so far. 

I guess my summer isnt plain at all. I have stories to tell and I have few more days to gather more stories. This, actually is a great summer, no sarcasm added. *winks

hello little screen

okay so here's the thing,

my dad sent a package a month ago and then it arrived while I was in a wonderful vacation at my cousin's. I got a netbook and a phone. It is actually pretty cool that I could bring this anywhere and I could put in my bag along with my notebook, it's just that little little little screen over here is ummm eye bleeding. Anyways, I was thinking for days what would be the name of this little fella. hmmm. I was thinking of a Dolphie? or Dolph since I saw some DOLPHINS (!!!) btw on my way home, ahh such lovely creatures. However, after million minutes of scanning through the inner depths of my awesome brain, I came up with Flipper. Yes, the dolphin :D Perfect, isnt it? 

So, hi Flipper. Welcome to the world of overflowing awesomeness aka  my blog, :>

those random emo nights

I like your eyes. No, I love them.

I love the them for looking at me like Im the only thing existing.

 Like I'm the very book they were looking for in a bookstore. 

Like they were afraid I might  disappear in a snap and you want to savour every sight of me.

I love your hands, too, left and right.

I love them for letting me feel safe every time I cross the road

For writing the letters you were giving me

For patiently tying my hair when I ask you to

photo from google

photo from google

I love your arms. They're my favorite.

I love them for wrapping themselves around me when Im upset.

Or when I fail in a test 

and when I cry over stupid little things.

Most of all, I love your heart. 

I love it for beating so fast when I hug you

or when I say I love you

I love it for being patient in waiting for me

for caring still even after love wounded it 

I love your heart for letting  your eyes,

your hands, your arms

do those things for me.

Unexpectedly

" i just dont know oh were we ever meant to be

suddenly you caught me so off guard

we fell in love so unexpectedly  "

wow. Cant believe I'm stuck with this song AT 1 AM!

Romantic. Charming. Magical. 

This song is love itself.

never be a little star

photo from google

little star, little star

dont dream of being too far

you will be lost and wont be seen 

your life is where you are

up in the sky shining for others

little star, little star

dont sing too loud

you will lost your voice and will never be heard

your melody is unknown

just whisper and let the wind blow it

little star, little star

dont fall down there

you will fade and will never shine again

your light must stay here above

let others admire your twinkling

and so the little star lived its whole life up in the sky .

shining

whispering

... dreaming

A Crazy Love ♥

me and my friends enjoying the sun's glow.
ps: I got that weird oh-look-its-a-falling-star pose

Is it even possible to be in love with something as inanimate as the sun? The answer is a big kicking YES. Well in my case, yes, and Im not in the mood to take any opposing opinion for that. Love just happens anytime, anywhere and at anything, Its a magical thing. Yes, I've known it and felt it for quite some time at some human but I haven't experience it at some thing (because I would thought it would be pathetic that time). Well yeah I appreciate a lot of things but I never had the same heartwarming feeling when, for the the first time in my life, I saw the Sunrise. It was an unbelievable sight, it felt so close and my heart seemed to want to get out of my chest to see it too. I was so happy-the feeling Im not even sure when was the last time I felt it. But that moment I was sure. I was completely and genuinely happy. My whole soul is. I may sound crazy but yes I am crazy- crazily in love with the sight. 

The view was somehow  like a metaphor of my concept of love. Just like the sunrise, we all know love would come. Even if  no one could exactly tell when would it arrive, (just like how unpredictable the time of  the rising of the sun is everyday) it would definitely come at the time it is meant to. We all just have to wait and wait and wait. Even if how hopeless the situation would get, just think of the sunrise and the hope it brings. And just like the sun, after long time of staying, your heart will settle. You will find your setting place. And you'll be another story of hope for others,

 The sun may not be breathing like we do but there's one thing common about us and the sun. It's that we're all worth-loving.

A Star's Message to a Sunflower

photo from google

We are million miles away
but I see you clearly
Everyday you chase the sun
I witness how you bloom when you face him
But as you can see
you're not the only one he's shining for
There are millions of reasons
why he rises

And then, there's me
Blocked by his light
Patiently waits til he sets
So you can see me
But then I know you wont even take a look up
not without him

So I decided to fall
for you
I've heard many wishes on my way down
All the same as mine: Love
I wasn't sure if I was leading to you
or if I'll ever be with you

But deep inside, I felt happy
Because I tried
I took the risk
And for me,
it was enough

Summer sarcasms

First of all, I just wanted to say that I am 10% human and 90% sarcastic. Yes, that's all I could say besides that I am bored and Im just at home all day errday since that day at the beach. 
You know what's the saddest thing I realized? It's the fact that I expected too much for this summer when in fact, its just the same summer as I had last year. Ive already expected getaways and summer outings and trips but here I am, at home, blogging.

But Im not complaining tho, I mean, I am a bit (mehee) but really I think this is better than having no summer at all. (shout out for those who have summer classes >:p) 

The good thing of having no trips and outings however is that I got to have my own travels through books. Just yesterday, I went to Brazil and Geneva with my favorite dude Paolo Coelho. It was a heck of a trip that at the end of it, I almost cried in the airport. (that was the last scene on the book). 

One good realization also is that, staying at home for the rest of summer would give me 70% chance of avoiding death. Lol. What an encouraging thought!

Anyways, the month is just starting and I have more weeks to expect (again) for things to get better.  Who knows what lies behind those coming days ... ;)


~ps: I hope youre all enjoying your tans and shakes!

Hello Mr Sun

March- the touch of the waves in our bare feet and the glow of mr hottie on our wayfarers. 

This is what I look forward to every summer. The start of my March, however, wasn't that welcoming. Deadlines are everywhere and Finals, my dear Finals was coming. Every single day, Im already lucky to have slept for 6 hours. Yes, imagine that. The paper works and the video needed to be edited are driving me nuuuuuts. But, thankfully I survived the struggle and here I am now enjoying hours of sleep whenever I want. 

Yesterday, my friends decided to have a celebration for our survival. Lol. I had so much fun that when I went home, I have an intensely double-toned skin. The beach was as always great but my most favorite thing is the water itself. I find it very beautiful. The waves are always an attraction to me ever since. I dont know why. 

Im looking forward for more summer waves to embrace tho I considered sleeping the whole summer a great vacation. *winks

                                                                 I hear the sky shouts goodbye to school..

                                                          

 ...And see the sun gives a sarcastic smile 

"Ready for some sunshine and my heart to take a chance"