Confused hopes

I dont know why I was looking forward to see the sun when I know its not shining for me anymore.
the same thrilled butterflies rejoiced in that thought. I was ready to see it, I was ready to smile a happy smile, not the awkward one. I wanted to see how is it. After long years of hiding in the dark realms of "looking happy" I am now certain I can face it. I am brave now. So, I waited in patience. I was holding a popcorn and some shake. I walked back and forth in place. It was dark and the road is crowded, there are just too many people but I know that Ill see it . I didnt need eyes that moment, my heart recognizes it. I waited and waited.

It came...


but I never saw it.

I dont know what would that mean. I said Im ready and I am brave now. How come I didnt see it?

Everything is confusing.

The night ended and the day has come. Im still stuck in the darkness. Courage left me and the butterflies were buried alive.


Im still here, you know.

Ill wait til I feel brave again. And when that happens, maybe this time,  I'll see it.

I will not be confused anymore.

and when I see it, I'll smile the happy smile...




while holding a popcorn and shake.